You get what you ask for…

I was walking out of Kinkos this morning, after having the Kaizen Martial Arts May Newsletter printed,  focused on what I had to accomplish the rest of the day.  I stopped to let a family of 7 walk in front of me.  The mother sarcastically asked the kids, “So what are you getting me for Mother’s Day?… more aggravation?”  I jumped, literally, in to my car and thought about this statement for the next 10 minutes on my ride home.  Had she only asked the first part of the question, what they were going to get her for Mother’s Day, I would not have given it a second thought.  

I can almost guarantee you that aggravation is exactly what she will get more often than not because this is what she is basically pre-framing the kids to give her.  She is asking for it.  I literally heard her ask her kids to keep up this disruptive behavior.  

We truly get what we consistently ask for.  

What do you ask from your kids, spouse, and/or significant other?  Are they positive things or negative things?  Did you pre-frame their response with something like the mother above did?  Could you possibly have done something like that?  Look!  We all have done things like that.  Myself included.  Awareness is the best possible remedy.

Last year sometime I was listening to an interview with an education professional.  he was talking about, “Don’t do that!”  Kids and adults only hear, “Do that, ” thus enabling the person to continue the behavior that you would like stopped.  When you change the phrase to, “Let’s not do that,” you tell the person that “we” will not do that.  Listen to the words that I use when I teach class.  You will hear more and more of this.  You will see these words as you exit the school.  See if you can find it and make sure you point it out to me.  Try it with your own kids and watch the results that you get.  Many parents have started using this strategy with their kids and have corrected behavior that previously was a difficult sell.

Let’s have a great Month!!

Sensei Mark Kline